Orpheus in the Underworld
Music: Jacques Offenbach
Libretto: Hector Cremieux & Ludovic Halevy
Adaptation: Gunter Fleckenstein & Joachim Hess
l am Public Opinion, the symbol of the greatest power on earth.
l'm a goddess and a lady to beware.
l have shaken many a mortal, who thought l'd forgotten him.
l know of no one who isn't afraid when meeting Vox Populi.
l've got all the gossip. l'm always up to date.
Pay me close attention and you'll avoid my intervention.
For l long to see the mighty fall. Vice or virtue mean nothing at all.
Whether you're sinner or saint, immune to my power you aren't.
Live as you like, but mind you keep up appearances.
Pay your respects to me and you can get away with murder.
To prove it let's look at an immortal ancient couple.
Orpheus and Eurydice would be nobodies if it hadn't been for me.
Eurydice's just a little tart who sees Apollo in every man.
She's all looks and no brains, gives any twit the come-on.
Don't talk to me about Orph's deeds, however marvellous they may be.
l can't stand his endless fiddling. He's not great, he's fair to middling.
l'll show you how the two of them attempt to separate.
They'll hate me and curse me for tearing them apart.
l'll be off now, but l'll return with both approval and disapproval.
There's no logic to me at all for l am Public Opinion.
l am one of those women who only lives for love.
Never mind my old man, l'm after a bit of a change.
Who cares about constancy or a good reputation?
My happiness is novelty. Oh shepherd, l am yours!
But don't tell my husband l've fallen for a herdsman.
What is Orpheus to me? Aristaeus, set me free!
l can hold back no longer, l burn with desire.
l am one of those women who only lives for love.
Never mind my old man, l'm after a bit of a change.
Who cares about constancy or a good reputation?
My happiness is novelty. Orpheus, l am yours.
But don't breathe a word to my husband.
l adore Professor Orpheus, l adore him.
And l love him whenever l can. What a guy, oh what a man!
- Orphie darling! - Macquilla!
- Nymphette! - Orphie dear!
- Where's your man? - Away on business.
- Where's Xantippe? - Doing the washing up.
- Orphie darling, my kiss-o-mat! - Nymphette, little kitty cat!
Damn, my husband! l must make a scene before he gets the upper hand.
You wretch, poor me! Vile betrayer. How can you do this to me?
You and your silly suspicions.
Do you think l would have kissed her?
- What else? - l was only whispering in her ear.
- How l love you! - Bare-faced liar.
But darling, you must understand,
a talented artist needs a muse to kiss him.
- Aren't you ashamed of yourself? - What are you dressed up for?
Where have you been anyway? You've been with that Aristaeus.
- Admit it, faithless hussy! - Don't shout so loud.
Yes, l was at our neighbour's house. So what?
And what did you get up to?
- Do you think l'd be unfaithful? - What else?
l told him there was no husband better than you.
- Little liar. - But darling ...
- l'm not your darling. - Let's make a deal:
You go to your muse and l'll go to my shepherd.
- Do you mean ... - Let's get divorced.
- Eurydice! - Okay, okay.
- Thanks, Orphie ... - You're welcome.
But there's one thing you should know before we part for ever:
You're the meanest guy who ever walked the earth.
- Madame! - And the worst musician too.
Silence! You're insulting an immortal.
Yes, an immortal idiot.
You're horrid.
Maybe l am.
- You're unfaithful and you're mean. - Leave me alone, l want to scream.
- l have fans all over Greece! - That's what you think.
l can play anything on my violin.
Put it away.
Your fiddling gets me down. Who cares about reputation?
l can no longer bear the din of Orpheus's violin.
You want to break my heart, but l'll get my revenge.
All right mister, show us what you're made of.
You know l'm the expert, a real dab-hand.
l'll play you a concert you'll not withstand.
- Anything but a concert. - Shouting won't help.
lt'll be two or three hours before l set you free.
- Two hours, Zeus have mercy! - Maybe three, it's all the same to me.
- l'm not listening. - l won't leave you in peace.
- Where's the cotton wool? - My playing is masterful.
No, no, no.
Mercy!
Oh, no!
What a dreadful, loathsome trial. l can't endure this awful scraping.
This ghastly noise, this music vile, goes on and on, there's no escaping.
- Help audience, he's doing me in. - You see, l told you l would win.
- l won't survive this endless torture. - My violin's a real scorcher.
l can't stand it any more.
This motif's from an operetta. Offenbach could do no better.
l can't take any more of this.
- Give me a break. - But it's a musical feast.
Zeus, end this awful fiddling, throw him in the orchestra pit.
What a tremolo! Presto, presto!
Largo, largo!
Pizzicato, spiccato in Prestissimo and amoroso subito!
Will no one heed my weary plea?
My confidence is going.
Oh Gods, l beg you pity me, and stop this man from bowing.
Madness is upon me. Answer my prayer.
Send a bolt of lightening, Zeus. Nothing else can save me.
Saved from my husband.
We're divorced. Go wherever you want.
- l'll go and pack my bags. - Stop!
The wretched woman sticks her nose in everywhere.
Yes that's the way it is, my dear, and you'll do everything you're told.
Divorce is out, no way, no fear. When l give orders no one's bold.
Surrender, slave, into my power. Your very soul l shall devour.
So stop, l say, and toe the line, for in this matter you are mine.
Public Opinion won't permit a professor of music
- to become involved in this. - But ...
No buts. You will voluntarily submit to Public Opinion.
Put things back to rights.
l wouldn't dream of it. l'm an independent artist.
You're a public servant. Do you know what will happen
if you gad about Thebes as a divorced conservatory director?
- What can happen to me? - You'll lose your job.
- So what. - You won't conduct any more.
Who cares?
The Theban families will stop paying for their daughters' private lessons.
No more girls? Anything but that.
Then l'd rather stay married.
l knew you'd see reason.
Now go and tell Eurydice your decision at once.
lf you do as l say of your own free will,
you'll always have Public Opinion on your side.
ls that clear?
Quite clear ...
Go back to where you come from.
l am the shepherd Aristaeus. l'm pretty good with money.
For although what l do is sing all day, l manufacture honey.
Don't be so surprised at me. lt has to be this way.
For singing makes me happy, and honey earns my pay.
See how the little busy bees fly above the ground,
and earn me lots of money, which makes the world go round.
l sing them a something to hurry them along.
Away and away and away they fly on wings so light and strong.
When they return it's a sight to see them all in a throng.
An animal, if young or old, is always worth its weight in gold.
When my sheep are a' leaping l sing them a song.
With bees and sheep in your keeping, you cannot go too wrong.
And if l want to earn some more, l know exactly how.
l shear them, one and all, for sure. l think l'll do it now.
Two left, two right, what a sight. How they quiver, all affright.
But not ... Two left ... me.
An animal, if young or old, is always worth its weight in gold.
Two left, two right ...
Let go ...
- Darling. - What is it, sweetie?
- Let's run away. - Why cutesy-pie?
The rotter doesn't want to get divorced.
Zeus will punish him. Where shall we run away to?
- To your home country. - Alright, but later.
- No, right away, before he comes back. - First to our favourite cornfield.
Oh yes, Ari. Are you coming, Ari-pooh?
Bet your life.
Look out! Something wrong, darling?
- A snake! - No no, you're dreaming, sweetie.
- l've been bitten. - By whom?
- l think l've been murdered. - My opinion exactly.
Death's embrace has taken me, as if he would be mine.
l feel his blissful, strong desire. Oh may my heart with his entwine.
An ecstasy so grand it causes my limbs to twitch.
Come, o Death, bear me away. But do it now, at once.
That's your lot. And now down into Hell with you.
But before we go
l have to leave your husband a message.
Thanks! Work's finished.
The house is empty.
l don't exist any more.
The Devil, l know ...
was Aristaeus.
And now to the Orcus Center.
Lights!
The house is empty. l don't exist. The Devil, l know was Ari ...
Aristaeus? Does that mean ...?
Eurydice!
- Not here! - Not here! Not here!
l've lost her.
The lady and the gentleman have gone to Hell together.
Thanks to you, Jupiter.
- Stop! - Oh God, Public Opinion.
She's after me.
God, Public Opinion is after him.
That's the way it is my dear, you do everything l want.
A widow you are, not a bon vivant, and when l sing you remain silent.
You shall be instantly immortal if you rescue your wife from Hell.
So stay with me since things can't be the way you want them to be.
Follow me to Olympus at once
and claim your beloved wife back from Jupiter.
You can't be serious!
Yes, l am serious.
Mythology has declared you the prime example of marital bliss.
- l don't love my wife. - That's completely irrelevant.
- Stories full of lies are easily believed. - No, no, never.
l will not give in to such a travesty.
lf you rescue your wife from the underworld,
then you'll go down as one of the most noble characters in Greek mythology.
- Can you guarantee it? - Of course!
ln a thousand years from now, school halls will be filled
with plaster busts of you.
- My bust? ln schools? - l can promise you this.
Then l'll come along. For posthumous fame, l'll make an effort for my wife.
- l'm an artist after all. - Well, yes.
And in doing so, you will be granted immortality.
Come here, dear friends, and listen up.
Your teacher will now fly up to the skies.
What a great jubilee, my best work yet, a victory march.
Farewell, dear students, l must sacrifice myself.
Watch me me ascend skywards in a state of grief, and remember me thus.
Once you are married you'll understand this is the custom.
- Adio, maestro. - Adio, maestro.
Maestro ...
Go ahead!
lt's time! Come and get ready.
- l'm ready. - He's ready.
Come on! Leave the women behind, you idiot, l'll make you be happy.
Come on! Don't be so sad, you idiot.
No ruse, no cheap tricks, there's no coming back.
Morpheus? Are they all asleep? Alone?
Damned sleep, it's never a pleasure, we're all frustrated.
lf we lie in bed up here, no one will seduce us.
l'm Venus. Even tonight, while everyone thought l was asleep,
l cheated on my husband. l am a progressive person after all.
l love to give myself away, l love to love with body and soul.
No regrets, thanks to science!
The best remedy is making love,
in bed or out of it.
Oh Venus, tell me about it!
l'm Eros, l flew over many distant lands tonight.
l'm world-famous without a doubt: every place has an Eros Center after all.
Some love a little, others a lot.
Everyone loves a little flirtation.
Whatever it may be, it doesn't matter,
l'm always game for it.
But not for much longer, my son.
l'm Mars, day and night l rush to my battlefields,
combat is my driving force. l'm valued by many.
l wear a thousand medals, l don't care about humanity,
murder is what interests me.
That's the way to do it,
human nature can go to Hell.
What a racket, orchestral noise, l love music but this is making me nervous.
That's Diana, my child,
coming our way with her little hunting dog. Wake up, sleepyheads.
You'll greet her joyfully,
vigorously and with loud singing, that's the service regulation of the Gods.
Hala, hali, oh, pure Goddess.
But why are you so sad?
Believe me, l am suffering greatly.
l rode across the fields to hunt, lalalala quel bonheur,
the horn sounding all around me, lalalala quel bonheur,
l took a dip in a pond by the woods, lalalala quel bonheur,
Actaeon, the voyeur, was there. lalalala quel bonheur.
l was hunting across the fields, lalalala quel bonheur,
the horn sounding all around me, lalalala quel bonheur,
and took a dip in a pond by the woods, lalalala quel bonheur,
but Actaeon wasn't there, no voyeur. lalalala quel malheur.
But Actaeon wasn't there, no voyeur.
Jupiter, darling!
Always after me ... You're still here, my dear, what's the matter?
l need to discuss something with you.
l have important business to attend to, but if it's urgent, l'll stay.
You're making a fool of me,
your muses are calling you ''boy'', you're undermining my position.
- But honey ... - Get to the point, honey!
Your life has become scandalous.
Your escapades with these mortal girls are the talk of the town.
That's just gossip.
No, it's not just gossip, it's a fact
that yet another mortal girl has disappeared.
What's the pretty lady's name?
- Eurynice? - Eurydice.
l got you, you know her name perfectly well.
Because you kidnapped her. Who else could have?
Darling, can't you see where all this jealousy is leading?
l heard about this kidnapping.
- l can imagine that. - l've already sent out
my loyal friend Mercury to investigate the case.
You'll be in tears when you realize
that your Jupiter is the most faithful and reliable husband
in the whole universe.
Take your hands off of me, you hypocrite.
lt's all pointless, anyway.
He's coming! Now you'll find out,
that l am the embodiment of faithfulness and reliability.
l'm flying, Mercury is faster than the wind.
l come here to conquer, l know who is corrupt.
The lexicon will tell you
what a divinity l am in the eyes of Gods and Godesses.
The Goddess who suffers a broken heart on the Champs-Elysees,
l shall take away and bring to Haute-Volee.
Furthermore, a lot of people know me from the stage.
My character inspires the poet, the comedian loves my role.
Jupiter, my master, is grateful to me
when l bring him women.
ln satisfying his desires, l like to help.
You should know, he can't keep up.
- That's the way it is, he can't keep up. - Hop, hop.
l'm flying. Mercury is faster than the wind.
l come here to conquer, l know who is corrupt.
That's enough now. Park it. Get off.
And now sit down on your bu... Sit down.
- Answer my questions. - l salute you, Your Honor...
- Stop it! - Enough, get to the point.
- Sit down. - So what can you tell us?
- Madam, l ... - Hop.
- Where are you coming from? - Straight from Hell.
- Did you see Pluto there? - Pluto was on vacation.
- Since today ...? - Since two weeks ago.
- So you didn't see him? - Oh, l did, Madam.
He came back an hour ago.
Did you hear that, ma petite cherie?
- Where had he been? - On Earth.
Did he come back alone? l'm asking you whether he was alone.
Am l speaking Greek? Alone. ''A'' for ''adultery''.
''L'' for ''Lesbos'', ''O'' for ''one-night stand'',
''N'' for ''the end'',
and ''E'' for ''extramarital''. Was he alone?
Am l the only one speaking Greek here?
No, he was with a pretty girl,
- whom he stole from her husband. - What's her name?
- Huh? - l can't stand these ''huhs'' anymore.
- You say: pardon, Madame. - Huh?
- What's the girl's name? - Eurynice.
- What? - Now then, am l still a hypocrite?
- Whose word you cannot trust one bit? - Oh Jupiter ...
Oh Jupiter, it wasn't fair of me to be so suspicious, please forgive me.
- You have hurt me. - l know, it's this stupid jealousy.
l'm suddenly feeling so sensual.
Oh my God, not in front of everyone.
You have so many tricks up your sleeve, make them disappear.
Madame. How do you feel? Oh, she isn't even here.
Good, so we can talk without being bothered.
- What's she doing? - She's having some nectar.
The Olympian's in a bad mood today. l know why.
Eurydice. l need to distract him.
Sublime God, you look delightfully radiant in these blue skies,
in these blue skies.
l linger in dark places and bottomless pits,
in the utmost depths of Hell.
lt's only here that l get to smell the scent of a Goddess or of a nymph
the aroma of myrtle and verbena,
nectar and ambrosia.
One can hear the tender cooing of the doves,
the songs of Apollo and the lyre of Lesbos.
Here are the nymphs, and the muses,
and the graces are never far.
Always dancing, always calm and relaxed,
always glowing and shining like on an Easter Sunday.
All sorts of delightful perfumes: fresh in the morning,
light during the day, dark at night, a perfume for before and after,
your scent, the scent of the Graces and the muses,
the scent of the nymphs.
King of the underworld, l ask you: where were you these past two weeks?
l live in the darkest shadows of Hell.
ls that so? You live in a hut near Thebes.
- No, l don't. - You abducted a husband's wife.
- That's not true. - l know everything!
- That's not true. - Silence! Don't interrupt me.
- l demand a public debate. - Don't even think about it.
Nothing is subject to discussion here. No debates.
lt's all about trembling and standing to attention.
They don't sound too happy.
An insurrection!
Go to war, great army of God.
Go to war, go to war!
We're going to war.
An insurrection, an insurrection, what terrible times.
An insurrection, here in God's place, in God's place, how happy this makes me!
- Abolish nectar lemonade! - Abolish it!
- This brew is making us sick. - lt's making us truly sick.
- Ambrosia is too sweet and dull. - Too sweet and dull.
Even the devil can't stand the awful stuff.
lf l were the chief of the Gods, there would be nothing to complain about.
Go to war, great army of God.
Overthrow the tyrants, no one wants this regime any more.
Abolish the nectar, abolish it, we don't want it any longer.
Cheers! ls anything happening here?
- Yes, yes. - What's going on?
- An insurrection, a revolt. - Yes indeed!
- We don't want any more nectar! - Never again ambrosia!
That sounds like a resolution, a real resolution.
- Revolution. - Abolish nectar and ambrosia!
Abolish nectar and ambrosia!
Hooray to the great Olympian Schnitzel!
Of all people, you chose this hooligan as your leader?
- l disagree. - He's a thug of the underworld
who steals mortals' wives from their husbands.
- Steals them from their beds. - Tell us more.
- Do l make myself clear? - Please.
- He ... He ... - Well, what did he do?
Will you wait? What's the right word? l'll tell you ...
- He ... - He lost his memory.
He brutally kidnapped Eurydice, Orpheus' wife, and brought her
- to his cave in the underworld. - And then what?
Who had the nerve to say: ''and then what''?
- Mom did! - Your upright mother!
Where's your sense of moral responsibility?
What will the voters think down there?
You're in a good position to preach morality.
You're very competent in this area.
Due to your experience with the female half of humanity.
What do you mean? Just a minute!
There are rumors flying around.
- What? No! - What if l opened my mouth, Mom?
- What if l did, Mom? - What if l did, grandma?
- We wrote a song about it! - You didn't!
- Minerva, why don't you sing it? - Please!
- No, you go ahead. - Me? Well, if you insist.
To get it on with Alcmene, you showed up as Amphitryon.
You really wanted to show it to her, now she has your son.
Old God, you won't get any younger not even by having affairs.
And then there was Europa, whom you seduced like a wild bull.
- And now you are an innocent grandpa ... - That's what he would like me to believe.
Old God, you won't get any younger, not even by having affairs.
You approached Danae disguised as rain, as a shower of pure gold.
- She consented because of the gold ... - She didn't want you.
Old God, you won't get any younger, not even by having affairs.
You came to Dame Leda as a swan, vowing to assuage her fears.
- Then the swan seduced her ... - What swan? You mean a cock!
Why do you disguise yourself when you're in the mood for love?
No woman would want you if she could see the real you.
l don't deserve so much.
Golden rain, a swan, a bull? And for me just plain old normal?
You scamp, you! Oh, Pluto, oh!
lt's that nervous disorder, it will pass.
- Take your wife. - Wake up, Juno.
l swear, it's all lies, stupid gossip.
- lt happened before our wedding. - Take your wife!
You're the only one l've ever loved. You traitor!
- Alright, but will you take your wife? - No!
- l can't hold her any longer. - Who's coming?
l am, Sir. Two strangers here wish to talk to you.
- Who are they? - Orpheus.
- And the other one? - A charming, lovely woman.
- Her name is Public Opinion. - Public Opinion?
That's embarrassing.
l had always hoped to meet her one day.
- l've never wanted to. - Let's meet her.
Let's meet her. She may come in.
He's coming closer, look at the way he walks.
lt's him, it's him.
Will he bring trouble?
What is this fellow here for?
He's coming closer, look at the way he walks.
lt's him, he's arriving.
lt is he we're defending, we plead for the poor husband.
- Here he is. - Here he is.
Vengeance is nigh.
Posterity will avenge me.
- He's coming closer, see his shadow. - He's coming closer, watch his step.
What do you want? Speak, my son.
You are here before Jupiter's throne, and he knows of your dilemma.
lf you play your violin, he'll let you in to the underworld
so you may take back your wife.
- Must l really play? - Yes, you must!
l have lost her.
All his happiness has vanished.
All his misery is killing him.
- And the one who stole her ... - lt was he!
Scandalous! Scandalous!
lt was he!
Was it he?
ln the name of Olympus, give back
this poor man's wife immediately.
Oh God, she's coming back!
Oh God, he's taking back my bliss!
To reclaim what Pluto captured l shall descend to the underworld myself.
- l'll leave today. - Ha, he's descending himself!
Descending.
Take us with you, please, take us with you.
Oh, take us with you.
- Oh, please. - Oh, please, daddy.
Alright, the whole gang of gods may come along today.
Hooray, Jupiter!
Follow me!
Glory, glory, Jupiter!
We cannot show our gratitude enough.
Oh, our one and only powerful ruler,
you go not alone but with us.
- And now. - And now, and now ...
Now we shall descend into the underworld.
Let's have a look around down there and see if we like it.
No more nectar for us today.
Down there, buckets of champagne will pour on us.
We are closing up Olympus, the Gods of Haute-Volee shall dance
in Pluto's underworld tonight after passing through the gates of Hell.
Take your negative theology with you! March to the same beat!
So come along, so come along.
Take your negative theology with you. No more nectar for us today.
Buckets of champagne down there.
Don't be surprised if l cry, l can't stand it any longer.
l sleep and sit up alone, since Pluto is always far from home.
He swore he'd always be here, he said true love came first always.
Well, now l sit down here in Hell and l tell you l'm bored witless.
There's no love, no trust, the devil never keeps his word.
To steal me from Earth like that, just because the devil fancies it.
What brought me to him? Damn the place where it all began.
Ah, had l only stayed home
with the husband l've now lost.
All this singing makes me no happier either.
lf only there were a man here ...
The only one Pluto allows me to be around is this horrible fellow.
She's pretty, so very pretty.
- What do you want? - Excuse me, Madam,
may l ask you a question? Did you ring for me, Madam?
- Did l? No. - That's too bad.
- Why? - Well, l mean, if you ... Had you ...
She's pretty, so very pretty. l mean, had you rung for me, Madam,
you would've needed something,
but since you didn't ring for me, Madam,
it's highly likely you don't need me.
lt's too bad. She's pretty, so very pretty.
l've a quick request: would you ring for me just once, sometime?
- Why should l? - lf ... Madam would ring for me,
then ... then l'd come right away ...
- to you, l mean, Madam. - l see!
Ah, Madam, l am frustrated and unhappy.
- Help me! - Why should l?
l thank you for your interest. l shall tell you everything about myself.
- He's insane. - l was made for love!
All you need for love is a tender heart
and a weak head. And l have both.
The woman who loves me, Madam, is guaranteed happiness.
Now he's going to tell me about all his affairs.
l have only one flaw, which l shall admit to straight away,
so you won't be disappointed later on.
l drink. Sometimes l even get drunk.
- He's not insane, he's drunk. - Now you know everything about me
you need to know. You know me better than any other woman.
You took a deep look into my soul. l have a request.
Would you be so kind as to let me...
- spend the night with you. - Don't come any closer.
That's too bad. l know why you reject me.
l am nothing but a butler, a servant to you.
But a servant has feelings too. The servant is a mysterious creature.
A servant, too, knows what a woman desires.
The only reason l'm a servant is because l'm dead!
When l was alive, l was son of King of the Spartans.
Music!
When l was King of the Spartans, l had soldiers and power.
l was a strategist and a celebrity before l was assassinated.
l lost my life and all my belongings.
Had this not happened, l'd give you my kingdom, my heart, my blood!
lf l was still King of the Spartans ...
When l was an honorable king, l was every woman's dream.
Women wouldn't leave me alone. l couldn't decide whom to love.
Nowadays, no woman notices me, l am but a shadow.
l'm nothing but an empty frame, the image within long vanished.
The image of the King of the Spartans ...
Go away, you smell of booze.
l must contradict you there, Madam.
l may have told you that l drink, but never alcohol,
- only water. - Water!
The best there is, from the river Lethe.
The water from the river Lethe is a real trip.
Drink it and you'll forget everything! When l drink it, l get high!
l forget my misery, l forget l'm in Hell,
l even forget l'm dead, and the orders of my master Pluto,
which he can execute himself! But l should never forget,
even if l were to drink all that water
and however polluted it might be,
the image of the one l worship,
the one l've been ordered to keep an eye on.
- You're insolent! - Enough begging!
lf you don't comply, then l shall use force.
- Listen, the music. - That's really joyful music.
- lt's my master. He's with friends. - A lot of friends.
- Let's hide here. - l don't want to.
He said we were both to hide in the loo.
- My dear, handsome John Styx, l beg you! - Too late, go!
- Oh Pluto, you'll pay for this! - Get in there.
- lt's about time. - Eurydice?
- She's locked up. - Alright.
- Strange customs. - How do you mean?
A polite host ushers the guest through first then follows him,
- not the other way around. - Dust him off.
What's this for? Stop it! What strange creature is this ...
... this cross between Theophanes and a lemon?
That's John Styx, my jack-of-all-trades, a kind boy
- whom l ... - ... entrust with the most crooked things.
- Where is she? - There!
- Who are you referring to? - Eurydice! ln the name of thunder!
Do you really believe l'd have hidden her down here?
l do! l'll find her, l know she's here. Out of my way.
Or else l'll make my lightning strike ...
Ah, no ignition! Just a moment ...
Can we go now, Sir, or do you wish to stay?
- l'll stay! - As you please.
You'll have to excuse me.
l need to prepare the party.
There's no rush.
John Styx!
l must find her!
Well, grandpa, you're in the soup.
- Don't you be cheeky. - What if l were to help you?
- You help me? - Who else? Am l not the God of Love?
- What is there to do? - ... speak Zeus. Alright.
l'll order my love police to find Eurydice
and set her straight.
That won't be necessary.
But what if Pluto locked her up?
Then you'll need to transform yourself.
What animal would fit through a keyhole?
Something as tiny as a needle in a haystack.
Think of something.
l have an idea!
Son, you do what you have to do and l'll do likewise.
Nose to the wind, eye on the prize, faster than lightning.
Easy game. Day and night, always on guard.
Clever me! Hidden lovers, l will see.
Whether close up or far away, l am always at the ready.
We support love, we protect it steadily.
Those caught cheating will get a beating.
Our motto: pour l'amour, kiss toujours.
While having fun, remember this, it can slip away, the bliss.
Ecstasy, your duty, adultery, l will not see.
We found her.
l hear, you found her.
- Yes. - Well, where is she?
- She's mad. - Why?
- l'll give you three guesses - l have to get in.
- You haven't transformed yourself yet. - Just a moment!
3, 2, 1 , 0.
- A fly! - And what a fly!
Nothing can go wrong now, grandpa.
Go for it, get ready, be a man, old God.
During the springtime of life, love relieves virility.
C'est si bon!
l think l just felt an itch and a tickle.
l mutate quite often, but l've never tried being a fly.
Will they mind my buzzing, be seduced by my humming?
Ah, the big fly.
You buzz so nicely, hum so prettily, but so obscene you needn't be.
She won't be able to resist me for very long.
You big fly.
Don't make a fool of me, you'll quickly see.
l want to die as a fly.
You little insect with little feet, you could free me.
Spare a tender kiss for me, oh, don't leave me alone.
You won't regret it, fly to me, l want to be your bee.
Come and free me, come and spoil me,
don't fly away or be mean to me, you should just want to make me happy.
lf you want me to adore you, keep the fun going l implore you.
- Fly to me on your golden wings. - Not yet, not yet.
l'm yours, you insect.
- Careful, l sting! - l'll catch you.
You've never been caught in a woman's web before.
l'll catch him, then my sorrows will be over.
l might be big but l'm oh so fast.
- He's such a gorgeous insect. - A gorgeous insect l am indeed.
Let me catch you in my veil.
Don't resist, pretty gown.
Oh no, she caught me in her hand.
l have him, l caught him.
lt worked, he's captured.
l only flew into your web to appease you, you little snake.
Soon you'll have a bigger fly to contend with.
Hum, buzz ...
You're mine, l'm yours, for ever and ever.
l worship you, dear mortal creature, l lie at your feet.
- Why don't you come over here? - Alright!
Oh God, the fly can speak, help!
Be quiet. l only put on this ridiculous costume
to trick your jealous boyfriend from Hell.
Can this be? Who are you anyway?
lt's me, l sing in taverns.
ln the name of Zeus, l'm little Jupiter.
Jupiter, King of all the Gods!
You said it! lf only we had met before.
You wouldn't have gone to Hell, but come to Heaven with me.
Let's escape, l want to reach Olympus as soon as possible.
How can we sneak past the guards?
l must go to the party
Pluto is organizing for me.
And you'll come along. You'll be my guest,
in disguise of course, incognito.
And then when everybody's leaving, we'll disappear
and go to Heaven.
The will of a God is the will of a woman.
l'm all yours, Jupiter.
l'm such a happy insect.
- A fly! - Damn it, this idiot again.
A fly!
- A fly! - John, did you see the fly?
l mean Jupiter, he's buzzing around like a fly.
You're drunk again on this water.
- This Jupiter. - When l was King of the Spartans,
a gentleman came to see me.
He asked me whether l sang and then offered me this role.
Not a big role, l was to play a servant named Styx.
l could have become a great opera singer, but it never happened.
When l was King of the Spartans ...
He's got to be somewhere. Betrayal, complete betrayal.
Charon, close down Hell!
No one is to leave the underworld! Block all the exits.
Unchain Cerberus.
Hooray to Pluto and his wine.
Hooray!
What the hell is going on here?
What is this masquerade?
Orpheus in the underworld.
You're in no position to make jokes.
Come with me to the Elysium, all of you.
But you wanted to come here too.
- You're the one who gave us permission. - Why leave now?
- No way. - Never.
Grandma, don't be so upset, you'll get used to Hell.
Yes, l'm convinced of that.
Absolutely.
Now, will you follow me back to the Elysium?
- No. - Would you prefer to stay here?
- Yes! - l can't believe it.
Kids, you must be intoxicated.
- But Mom. - Jupiter!
Will you put your foot down?
lt's not all that bad, ma petite cherie.
Let's shake a leg instead.
You want to shake a leg down here but up there you have a pinched nerve?
Up there or down here, let's dance.
- Music! - Jupiter.
Because l'm powerful and because l feel like dancing
l wouldn't mind a little minuet.
Thank God, that fool Pluto didn't recognize me.
No, Jupiter.
That silly girl Eurydice thinks l didn't recognize her.
She'll be surprised.
The way Grandma Juno dances is so carefree. Look at her gliding along.
Look at her pas-de-deux, how cute, how elegant her step.
Terpsichore is jealous because she can't dance like that.
Et maintenant, cancan infernal!
The cancan is the climactic finale, we dance till we're panting,
till we're out of breath, we'll keep on dancing.
The cancan is the climactic finale, we dance till we're panting,
let's dance the devilish cancan.
Let's run away, the time is right.
You're right, let's go before we're out of breath.
- Which way? - Damn it.
What's with this behaviour?
Ah, Sir still seems to be offended.
Do you really think l didn't recognize Eurydice?
Whom you supposedly didn't kidnap?
Well, l did kidnap her. And l deeply regret it.
- What are you saying? - My dear, it's useless anyway.
Do you mean we wouldn't make it to Paradise together?
- No. - You said it.
- Who'd stop me if l were to go ahead? - Who do you think would, my dear?
- You would. - l would?
Her dear husband will come.
My husband, l'd forgotten all about him.
l wish l had.
You see, this is my revenge.
You should hand Eurydice over to him not to me,
you charlatan.
l'd like to know what demon possessed me when l gave Orpheus my word.
l see, the situation is becoming stickier.
From now, l shall only speak in verses.
Woman, have you heard the violin's sweet song?
l've known that sound so very long, My Lord is calling out my name,
for he your soul would dearly claim.
l've loved you then, but no longer care,
and the blame on Jupiter lies square.
Oh Pluto, these are satanic verses.
Your husband, back to Earth would take you,
we offer you to him may he not forsake you.
Jupiter, l feel so desperate.
l have a plan. Go on ahead, l'll follow.
Stand up, all of you! Stand proudly,
don't embarrass us, we have guests.
Stop this sentimentality, say what you have to say.
You're here to take back your wife to release her from this hell.
Here l am, my dear wife, can you feel my longing,
l forgive you, my darling, even though you cheated on me.
You'll have her back, but on one condition:
When you reach the shores of Hades and you lead her back to Earth,
refrain, my son, from turning around or, even worse, from looking back.
lf you dare look at her, there's no second chance, it'll be over.
- What a sham. - What are you trying to say?
A word from God! Be quiet now and be on your way.
How outrageous.
What gives you the right to disturb us?
The hellhound needs a walk.
Come on, Cerberus ...
Take your chance, we're ready. Let the music play.
You cannot turn around from now on.
Always look ahead, never look back.
You must finish this properly so be sure and control your gaze.
The question is, will he look forward or backward?
Was l mistaken, did l overestimate him?
You shall see, the victory is yours, soon it will all be over.
My God, the poor wretch isn't doing it.
Then we'll have to use force!
Oh, Thor! What did you do!
Something poked my backside.
Tell us now, great God, what should we do?
ls she mine now?
- Not yours, not yours. - Why not?
No, she is to be with Bacchus.
She is to be with Bacchus.
But that's not part of the mythology.
- Then we shall change the mythology. - Bravo.
l give myself to you, Bacchus, you shall be my one true love.
l'll cheerfully join your drunken party.
All my carnal instincts will be at your service,
and red vine-leaves will adorn my hair.
- Because she'll drink forever. - Yes, she'll drink forever.
Come, Bacchus, l want to kiss you!
Be free!
Come on, Bacchus, kiss me!
l want it.
Yes, l'll free myself, l'm so free.
You're tale is over now, Jupiter.
Well yes, we have reached the finale.
The cancan is the climactic finale, we dance till we're panting,
till we're out of breath.
The cancan is the climactic finale, we dance till we're panting,
let's dance the devilish cancan.
Orpheus in the Underworld